CREATIVITY IS A CRUSHING CHORE AND A GLORIOUS MYSTERY

The time comes around again so quick, the time when I sit at my laptop and bash out a few words to send to you all on an email and today I was starting to think that perhaps I had created a rod for my own back, I had zero inspiration and absolutely no words of wisdom to share and yet “duty called”. So I thought maybe I would just not write anything or maybe even share the words of someone else, but of course neither of those options felt that great to me. Then it hit me, I have no duty to writing these newsletters, it is not a contractual obligation, there is certainly no one telling me I must write anything at all and certainly the only person putting pressure on myself regarding the quality of the content is me. I had simply allowed myself to get caught in the trap of trying too hard and over thinking the process, which is nonsense really but the truth is writing my newsletter is a discipline; in the same way that I ask myself to show up each day on the yoga mat, I ask the same of myself here. Writing a few words on my blog each week is my way of showing up – as Ghandi said “the future depends upon what we do in the present” and so for me this is part of my present moment.  So I am accepting that some weeks it may feel like a chore, that is okay, I am doing my chores and doing the work.

This weekend has been for me a time to reconnect back to myself and bring back a little balance, feeling a cold brewing I stocked up on my natural remedies – turmeric shots for those who may be interested http://www.earthtoamy.com/turmeric-shot/, and I allowed myself plenty of rest and restorative yoga. But the best part of the weekend was taking my youngest out with me to my all time favourite foot reflexology spot, we got ourselves a pile of trashy magazines and kicked back in comfort. Of course I was fast asleep within 5 minutes, she on the other hand was gripped by the latest stories of the Kardashians and more. I feel a good habit has been formed…..at least the foot rub part anyway. On the other side of the island the eldest child was paddling her way to a silver trophy in a dragon boat regatta – the U18s of our club consistently show us how to do it, they lost by .20 of a second but were as thrilled as if they had won the gold – for them the exhilaration of participation was enough. Taking part is what that matters – showing up and doing the work.

I have also been purging the house, I realised I was holding onto stuff for no reason other than a clinging onto an old life that no longer existed. I would open up my wardrobe and survey the dresses and heals that I once wore whilst living in London, for 9 years they have hung there, and thought that perhaps maybe they would be used again but of course they haven’t.  The reality being that the only reason I hung onto them was that to throw them out would be a final admission that my life does not consist of fancy dinners and parties any more, weirdly though I do not know why this may even bother me as I love the life that I have right now and the thought of putting on some super high heels makes me feel faintly nauseous. But the human experience is to want to cling on to “old lives” and “old existences” – we see them as part of who we are and yet that is not who I am anymore. My life is simpler and easier these days and I could not be happier about that and as I bagged it all up I allowed myself to indulge in the sentimentality of days gone by and happy memories. So now the wardrobe is looking distinctly less full and instead of high heels and posh frocks I have drawers overflowing with yoga wear, beach gear, paddle stuff, flip flops and trainers – all you need for a good life in my opinion!

Finally more and more I am coming to the realisation that to have a yoga practice that is utterly honest and authentic is the most challenging thing to have. So many of us have visions in our heads of who we think we should be, maybe based on where we were a few years back or maybe based on some crazy and aspirational ideal that we saw on social media and as a result our practice is not directed at our true selves. And so having really resonated with the words of J Brown through his podcasts I decided to invest in his online workshop called “Gentle is the new advanced”, the title really spoke to me in many ways, to have a practice that is gentle in this current world is hard when all around us we are told to push more, do more and achieve more. To do less is the challenge and that right now is what I am trying to do. Do go and check him out, he is totally my kind of yogi and it is wonderful to feel so inspired by someone , it really is. https://www.jbrownyoga.com/

In peace

x