I AM GOOD ENOUGH
Waiting, always waiting. Waiting to feel ready. Waiting to feel enough.
Waiting to feel less tired. Waiting to feel braver. Just simply waiting, for what, I am not sure I always really knew. All I know is that waiting was my default mode for so long. But I also know that I am done with the waiting. I am done with being frightened, I am done with the fear and I am done with not feeling like I am enough.
I think I always thought that I needed to have my shit figured out, that unless I knew what I was doing, someone would see through me, would see the fraud underneath the confident voice. I think I confused being a teacher as someone who has worked it all out, from someone who is ‘working’ it out. I think I thought that to be able to serve others I needed to be fully in control of my body, my mind, my emotions and to be fully in control of my life. I think I thought that being tired, being in pain, being kicked in the butt by life excluded me somehow from the club of being enough.
Whilst I always knew my studies in the Compassionate Inquiry would be be confronting, I had no idea how much it would ask me to sit with my pain, my belief systems and triggers. How much it would invite me to uncover layers of unprocessed emotions and to look inside my unconscious and somatic body. I also had no idea also how amazing it could feel to be held with so much kindness and compassion. One of the many things that I love about the Compassionate Inquiry approach is how our pain points are not viewed as a problem, instead they are seen as treasures to be explored, launch pads from which to inquire into with compassion, kindness and curiosity. All our life experiences are gems to be looked at, witnessed and inquired into. With the number one goal at heart being to foster a greater sense of safety and connection to the self.
Like all things though, the path is not linear and it can get pretty bumpy at times. For example I thought I would get back to Hong Kong full of vibrancy, full of ideas, full of energy - but I was wrong and that was a hard admission to make. As my plane touched down I felt two things - firstly a very deep sense of coming home that felt profoundly comforting but secondly an awareness that I was exhausted. I was exhausted from holding on, holding on to some myth of trying to be normal in a messy world, of trying to conform to the beliefs and ideals that had been instilled into me from a young age. The world we live in is confusing, on the one hand it asks us to be normal, it asks us to play the game, to mask our weirdness and be like everyone else, yet it also asks us to stand out, to be unique, to be different, to be successful. I realise now that trying to do both is impossible, the ‘trying’ is a self defeating task, and it’s in the trying we start to lose parts of ourselves.
I would like to suggest that perhaps in the trying we are merely waiting for something to happen, some magical sign or external event, that would give us a clue as to who we are, something to to make us feel whole, enough even; but of course the real intelligence lies within us. The somatic body has all the answers that we crave, it is a vast and rich resource of wisdom and information. You know it when you meet someone who knows themselves, because there is a sense of effortless-ness about them, they embody an ease that arises out of an awareness to the given moment.
So why wait? Why wait for something that does not exist? Why not take the time to explore who you are, to peel back the layers with a gentle and loving touch. Why would you not want to experience that effortless ease, why would you not want to experience the beauty and joy of the present moment. Why would you not want to know that you are enough?
I know I do
This is my daily mantra and I would like to invite you to join me in it
I am good enough
I am a good enough parent
I am a good enough teacher
I am a good enough friend
I am good enough
++ COMING SOON ++
Trauma Informed Yoga Therapy for Stress
For the last 10 years I have devoted my learning to understanding stress from a mind/body perspective & I am now, finally, putting together a trauma informed yoga therapy programme for stress.
This 6 week programme will offer the core components of therapeutic yoga for trauma recovery including
Psychoeducation
Orienting & Centering
Conscious Breathing
Vagus Nerve Stimulation
Warming up the Body
Mindfulness in Meditation
Mindfulness in Movement
Rest
This programme will soon be complete and ready to be rolled out, it is the culmination of many years of practice and experience and I am very proud of it. Programmes such as this are badly need right now and so if you would like to register advance interest, then please do get in touch now.
++ A DAILY PRACTICE ++
Stress disconnects you from your body, it can leave you feeling uprooted from the ground that you walk upon.
Here is a practices to help root you back to the earth, to connect you back to your body & to this present moment. It is a way to cultivate sensory awareness, it is super gentle & you can give it as little or as much time as you have.
1. Wake up your hands - light touch, feel, explore, notice with curiosity the contours of your hands
2. When you feel full with the sensory experience, bring your hands to your face & explore the skin, hair, texture & feel of the hands
3. Continue to travel hands to the scalp, arms, chest, belly, back, hips, legs and feet
4. Sit for a moment & notice what you notice
Cultivate Sensory Awareness